Closing Time

Have I done the right thing? Did I make the right decision?

I feel like im in the desert right now, snowing cold.  I’ve etched myself deep onto someone else’s heart it hurt me deep as well. It hurt to see I hurt him everyday. I want to be more but this is only what I can give.

I want to love but, wishes, I guess do come true. And so tell me,  how can one give love when you regard yourself as an ice burning cinders away. A stone, I once wished I could be, to no longer feel the hurt I once had… I never knew I would only pass it along.

I’ve forgotton the days… when I’ve been lost. Then He found me.. Yet I had debt to pay. I knew, and hurts to see that you knew as well, I need to bid my farewell.

You say you understand… I understand as well, when it sinks in, that you will come to hate me.. so blind with it, and I’ll know I deserve that, more than the love you give.

Feel this, I place my hands on your face, and I close my eyes.. this is my Sahara, I cannot endure to drag you anymore in these sands…

Goodbye..

Live by the Book

I’ve always lived by the book. In and out.

I’ve always seen myself as someone who had bloomed late.. as I have lived my early life by the book - obeying my parents as much as possible, having no “gimik” life during my student days, a benevolent wallflower (tho people who know me by glance wouldnt say that of me nowadays), or having my life ruled by the grades I should get next on that report or class card.. till I graduated.

And well, I’ve loved reading books.. ever since my mama bought me that Nancy Drew pocketbook - about this silver persian cat with the violet paperback cover, if I remember it right. I’ve been an addict ever since. Nancy Drew to Hardy Boys to Sidney Sheldon to John Grisham to Anne Rice to Tolkien. From there, I’ve read quite a lot - tho i can only but name a few love themed books I’ve read, never was a fan of something mushy and gushy.

Now I’ve just finished my nth. The Blood of Flowers.

And with evevry book I read, I live it. I feel as tho im part of it. No matter what and where I felt it. And so now I carry the burden of Maheen’s daughter, the heroin of the book. Set in the 17th century Persian culture,the words sewn by the author was very much fitted for a modern day audience. But it was ok. I was still drawn to the simplicity of how everything was written.

And so now I feel her depression, her anguish, her desperation.. I’ve long finished the book hours ago yet i still feel its entrails inside me. I guess you can say its a good book. But with every book I read, I seem to see myself suffering the same.

Maybe I should try to do a review..

Work. Life. Work.

As I write that NTE asked of me, Never in my life I felt this kind of self-pity. I didnt mind working long hours, or that i practically didnt sleep or go beyond my way to finish a project. That’s typically me. But with this, I suddenly went back as if I was forced to really look what is being done and what happened and where I am right now, I realized, I was like 3-legged dog being asked to plow fields yet not appreciated and being ignored as if I felt I do not exist as part of the company. And I am just content as a dog, happy that I have work. I didnt mind. It didnt seem wrong for me. I guess not till now. That everything is just futile.

So as I cover my explanation letter with butterflies and kisses and flowers, I suddenly went limp. Like the 3-legged dog that I was. And I felt I drained everything. 

From a slave to a robot.

Swimmin with Fishes.. quotable quotes.

Coming up with the previous entry, I suddenly thought, hey! why not Quotable quotes of some favorite films, and I mean those whoopin wit crazy liners by these characters.. But of course I got them from net sources but I wont be putting the film title, nor the artist who played it, just the character name.. hehe fun..

Tyler Durden // mischief.mayhem.soap

You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Narrator: I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all those French beaches I’d never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.

Tyler Durden: Where’d you go, psycho boy?

Narrator: I felt like destroying something beautiful.

Marla Singer // mischief.mayhem.soap

You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?

[after taking a bottle of sleeping pills] This isn’t a real suicide-thing. This is probably one of those cry-for-help things.

Charly Baltimore //

It ain’t over. You’re going to die screaming… and I’m going to watch. Am I telling the truth?

[Caitlin and Charly are locked in a fridge.]

Caitlin Caine: Mommy, am I gonna die?

Charly Baltimore: Oh, no, baby. No, you’re not gonna die. They are.

[Charly strikes a match to light a gasoline stream.]

Charly Baltimore: Cover your ears. Hey! Should we get a dog?

Mitch Henessey: So, you cold?

Charly Baltimore: Yeah. Freezing.

Mitch Henessey: Turn on the heat. It doesn’t work, but it makes a very annoying noise — distracts from the cold.

Charly Baltimore: Easy, sport. Got myself out of Beirut once, I think I can get out of New Jersey.

Mitch Henessey: Yeah, well don’t be so sure. Others have tried and failed. The entire population, in fact.

Mitch Henessy

I never did one thing right in my life, you know that? Not one. That takes skill.

I ain’t handsome, I ain’t rich, and the last time I got blown, candy bars cost a nickel.

Don Vito Carleon

I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.

Hans Solo

May the Force be with you.

Kat Stratford

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big, dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around. And the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

Dr. Stratford: Hello Katarina. Make anybody cry today?

Kat: Sadly no, but it’s only 4:30.

Dr. Stratford: That’s my girl.

Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.

I guess in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time. 

Bianca Stratford

Can we, for two seconds, ignore the fact that you’re severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy? 

Hit-Girl

Ok you cunts, lets see what you can do now…

Kick-Ass: What about money? You’ve got to think long term…

Hit-Girl: I’ve got 3 million in a suitcase. Is that long term enough for you?

(I need to go now at this time so I’m gonna put more next time)

Femme Fatales of the Silver Screen

     From magnums, to rifles, to whips, swords, or to their genetically modified bodies; It’s their ammos, their moves, and their devious beauty that steals the scene.

I’ve thought about writing this article for quite sometime now, and finally, here it is – My chosen ass-kickin’ Femme Fatales that rocked the silver screen, from the 70’s and the ones that made it to the theaters just last week.. and I think you know what I’m talking about.

I’ve seen lots of movies of such genre and would be quite unfair if I dont include some characters that didnt make the cut for the list that I originally intended, but nevertheless deserves to be on the Femme Fatales List. I am going to categorize these characters into three groups and then you tell what differences each category has from the other. Do take note that the characters here are from action based movies who actually did some action. So even if Megan Fox in Transformers could have fit the bill, her driving of Bumblebee around is not enough. Nu-uh.

So ok, the characters here are not ranked accordingly, but just placed randomly. They may not be from critically acclaimed movies and some are just hmm well, of my term just Hollywood-ishly commercial, and some might be well, not so good at their acting, BUT  if not for the lady who starred in it, would have been a complete dud even with a sky-rocket-high film budget (need not say the title cos I will repeat this line-ha!). Some may not approve of this list, some may go with it, some may half contest it, but keber! Aketch na list ito and I have my own criteria why these girls made my cut. Cos for one, they just ooze with such undeniable sex appeal, but credible enough to make you not mess and be on the wrong side of these women. Oh, but not everyone are in the good side tho.

warning: Some inputs about the character/s contains spoiler information. But heck, only Iron Man 2 here is the latest. So read everything up and then go find and watch these films if you still hadnt!

==Dangerous Curves==

Alice - Resident Evil film series (2002, 2004, 2007, 2010)
Violet Song Jat Shariff - Ultraviolet (2006)
Undeniably, the model-singer-actress Milla Jovovich awed us with her cunning moves in these adrenaline-rushing movies. Everytime she appears in a yet another film, I cant help but notice how her acting goes up a notch. Specially with the Alice role, I would never have imagine another actress who could have delivered such impact as she does. Some may say I should add Leeloo (The Fifth Element) in this, but I am only being fair  as I have not yet seen the movie so I cannot just add it - but my bet is I would if I had seen it.

 Agent Romanova a.k.a Black Widow - Iron Man 2 (2010)
The last movie I had seen where Scarlette acted, was in The Other Boleyn Girl. So imagine my surprise when I saw her make those moves in her latest film, the Iron Man 2 (which I think barely gets away with the production, even on the CGI effects I daresay - that first Monte Carlo car crash is simply a hideous disgrace). From a prim and proper Elizabethan era Lady to a very deadly Russian S.H.I.E.L.D. undercover agent. I was not a big fan of Scarlette.. till she became the Black Widow. My two cent’s worth? Iron Man 2 is worth watching just to see how gooood her fight choreography here is. 

Lara Croft - Tomb Raider film series (2001)
Fox  - Wanted (2010)
Julia Russell - Original Sin (2001)
Jane Smith - Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
Lisa Rowe - Girl Interrupted (1999)
Amelia Donaghy - The Bone Collector (1999)
Gia Marie Carangi- Gia (1997)
” ‘Nuff said ” if I am to quote on of Stan Lee’s dialogue. Just with the Croft name alone, need I say more. As if the Magnums werent enough, she goes on to being the top female lethal spy and then topnotchin it with a Bullet-curving assassin, trainor on a train. So maybe perhaps I am being biased, cos maybe Angelina is just simply at the top of my list when it comes to movies, or the bad-ass attitude. So maybe yes, I simply have to put all the names of the characters of the movies I soooo love. So maybe that’s the reason why I didnt rank my list cos I would put her on the Number 1 spot and then the rest all goes on equal footing. And I guess that aint right eh? But heck, this is my blog. She’s simply the epitome of the Chick with the Big Guns, the Moves, Seductive beauty influxed with the perfect badass attitude. Even if Tomb Raider would have been flushed down the toilet considering how disappointing the film is, it wouldnt be worth watching if not for Angelina being Lara Croft. So going back to the topic, I need not say more - she’s Angelina.

Oboro - Shinobi: Heart Under Blade (2005)
With her Eye of Destruction, look at her or not, there’s no escape encountering her wrath. One of my favorite  Ninja-genre movies, Yukie Nakama does a spectacular performance as Oboro to which people who have seen this movie would definetly agree with me. For people whose passion involves watchin movies that has subtitles in it, this is a must see!

Abigail Whistler - Blade Trinity (2004)
I dont now if I am to love her or to hate her, she’s my age and who wouldnt be envious of Jessica Biel? Well the ‘Hate her’ is spawned from the green-eyed devil inside me so shrugging that aside, she’s just perfect opposite Blade. Even with an exercised-muscular-physique, she still gets away with it and look very very sexy indeed unlike some actresses who works out like that ending up looking like a man with a beautiful feminine face. That’s just bad.

Xenia Sergeevna Onatopp - GoldenEye (1995)
I know there’s Jean Grey, but I just cant make myself to include Jean in this list. Famke’s role as the Russian bloodthirsty henchwoman however, deserves to be recognized. It’s her 50-ish hairdo, the ultrared lipstick, her AK 74’s, and her getting orgasm as she does her scissor-kill. As what wiki says about the Xenia role - “It’s the classic representation of femme fatale.”

Selene - Underworld film series (2003, 2006)
Carrie Stetko - WhiteOut (2009)
Whether on she’s on ice assigned-to-south pole or she’s ice-cold fanged royalty, people can’t get enough of Kate Beckinsale. She can be sweet and serendipitous at one movie but can quickly transform into someone entirely opposite. Tho I love her role in Underworld, Whiteout didnt deliver as to what the original graphic novel did. 

Selina Kyle aka Catwoman - Batman Returns (1992)
Although Halle Berry did a sexy version of the stand-alone movie as catwoman, I would still place my bet on Michelle Pfeiffer’s delivery and acting opposite Michael Keaton. However long ago it was, who would forget her “cartwheeling across the street towards Batman and Penguin, her “Meow” dialogue followed by the explosion” scene, she walking while whip-lashing counting the shots as she is being gunned and the electrifying (literally!) kiss she gave to Christopher Walken when she finally reached him. But above all, its her acting that could upstage the these scenes. I dont know about you but as Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle, the audience could really feel the tension, the chemistry that the couple eminates - just like their dance when she suddenly realizes that the person she’s falling in love with, is actually her nemesis.

Coffy - Coffy (1973)
Prior to writing, I’ve done research as to who people thinks are the top action kick-ass female characters. I’ve suddenly became intrigues that almost all, would include Pam Grier, either her Coffy or Foxy Brown role. Curious, I watched Coffy, and I was not disappointed. The movie has a really curious beginnings as to why the movie came about and a lot more interesting story. This can be consider a ST movie of their time with the “buttons always flying as guys ripped open the blouses and eventually emphasizes Pam Grier’s well-endowed front.” It’s like, it’s imperative that for every 10 minutes a set of breasts are exposed, or that some guy is putting their hands on them for the men at the audience to ogle at. But well, the scenes compliment the plot I guess. It does has a good viable story with the very voluptous Pam Grier that could give Beyonce a run for her money!
Charly Baltimore - Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)
The sole, sole reason why I became inspired to write this whole shit, and it wasnt Angelina Jolie. Needless to say that Long Kiss Goodnight is a favorite of mine, Geena Davis, here, just rocked the whole place and crumbled everything. She’s the classic example of Brains and beauty (as wiki put it: a member of  American Mensa, the society of persons with IQs in the statistical top 2%, with an IQ of 140). As to her Charly role, (spent long minutes coming up with the right description for her cos I was afraid that I would do injustice and under-rate her role, so in short at loss for the thought of better words) hmmmm she just rocked the whole place and crumbled everything. There I think thats ok. I really really love this movie. The flambouyance of Mitch Hennessy,  the banters and dialogue “quotable quotes” exchange, that deadly sneer of Charly only Davis could have delivered. As like what my former office-mate slash friend Greyz said a long time ago when the first installment of Bourne Identity was shown: “Bourne Identity? Three words lang, Long Kiss Goodnight.” Now I want to watch it again!
Ai Lin - So Close (2002)
Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime you are near… Shu Qi, wears the role and the clothes well, not them wearing her. She doesnt even need the weapons - she’s the perfect killing machine. And i wouldnt even put Karen Mok along side her, tho the latter’s elevator fight is very very good that it burns inside your mind. Makes one want to learn martial arts and do that air split whenever one rides an elevator! So ok, going back. The intro ceiling spiking Prada boot fight scene alone, it automatically creates commotion that you just have to see the entire film. Tho it could setback as an overly-emotional than needed (as what is more often than not found in Asian films), I still rank So Close as one of my fave chick action flick. For me, the highlight of the movie isnt where Zhao Wei and Karen Mok was taking revenge and setting things right; the highlight was the Basement Parking Fight scene between the cop and the assasin.
Onigen - Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)
First seeing her as Taka in The Last Samurai, Koyuki had become one of my favorite Asian actresses since then. Tho there’s no way we cannot put Taka under this category, her being Onigen however commands a very demanding presence for it. That for me, she out-shadowed Gianna Jun, the lead role. She’s one of those few actresses that immediately fills the room, the scene and you cant deny yourself to watch her all the more, cos like I say she has this demanding presence. Well, she has very very very beautiful face but its Koyuki as an outstanding actress that burns in you.
Kagero - Shinobi: Heart Under Blade (2005)
The literal Femme Fatale. One kiss and you’re dead. Adorning a very seductive kimono and having a milky-white skin complexion which accentuates her pouty red lips.. Men would simply go gaga and want to have her… their own deadly demise. And Tomoka Kurotani delivered this role very very gracefully.

Wai Lin - Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Yu Shu Lien - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
Of the countless movies Michelle made, I chose this one cos I just love James Bond movies and well, she does a very unique-not your typical Bond Girl. She tops the 25 Best Heroine List of Rotten Tomatoes and I think she deserves that above all. Doing her own stunts, Pierce Brosnan even reffered her the female James Bond. Now it got me wondering, what would it be like if she had accepted and taken on the role of Seraph?

Aeon Flux - Aeon Flux (2005)
Aeon Flux. Again, Aeon Flux. Tho Charlize Theron only wore once the original Aeon Flux costume as her sleeping wardrobe (where she caught the fly with her eye), she still sizzled in every scene. Talk about walking chin up with the attitude and grace only a woman could show. Some strict-to-the-pages critics may regard the movie as unreligious and a disgrace to its origin (as to what doom that befalls each movie that was based from a comics or graphic novel or a favorite anime/cartoon), I still think she owned it. I read that Michelle Rodriguez was considered but I am glad Theron got the part, I dont think that Michelle could deliver the seductive part that demands the Aeon role which Charlize so effortlessly did.
Carolina - Desperado / Once Upon a Time in Mexico
There’s the Wild Wild West, and there’s the  Santanica Pandemonium role which I dont think people can easily forget. Salma Hayek exudes the exotic and erotic especially in that accent in a way no one can best her.

Elle Driver aka California Mountain Snake - Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2 (2003, 2004)
Who could deny that Daryl Hannah is one sexy and derranged bloodthirsty chick? Quetin certainly knows how to choose his actors well. Daryl I think out-shone her female colleauges mainly because she is Elle Driver, donning that unforgettable improvised Nurse outfit with that badass injection.

  Susan Storm aka Invisible Girl - Fantastic Four film series (2005, 2007)
Almost forgetting this character, Jessica Alba did quite a stir portraying Sue.Perhaps its because she’s invisible. lol

Others whom I think worth mentioning in this category because it’s:

Agent Ajedrez - Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)
Eva Mendez

Catherine Tramell - Basic Instinct (1992)
Sharon Stone. Best interrogation-lie detecting scene ever shown in film. Ever.

Sil - Species (1995)
Natasha Henstridge

Jen - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
Zhang Ziyi

Liz Sherman - Hellboy film series (2004, 2008)
Selma Blair

Helen Tasker - True Lies (1994)
Jamie Lee Curtis. Her role never ceases to amuse me!

O-Ren Ishii aka Cottonmouth - Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2 (2003, 2004)
Lucy Liu. And she does not go around just flippin hairs.
 
Claire Redfield - Resident Evil film series (2007, 2010)
Ali Larter. And I cant wait for to see that Executioner fight scene!

Sonja - Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)
Rhona Mitra

Storm - X-Men film series (2000, 2003, 2006)
Halle Berry. You cant just beat that. It’s the perfect, perfect Storm.

Miho - Sin City (2005)
Kasumi - D.O.A. (2006)
Devon Aoki. Unfortunately for the flop movies, she’s still great. Tho without guns, she did kick some guys asses with that hot pink smokin car of hers in the Fast and the Furious second installment.

Charlene Ching - Naked Weapon (2002)
Maggie Q.

Zin - Chocolate (2008)
Ammara Siripong. The first time I’ve seen her its just wow for me. She jumps from the scene with that outrageously big Flower Brooch while gunning down someone - the perfect Yakuza/Gang goddess.

(have pictures of the others but im too tired to lazy to edit them as they dont appear right.)

==Tough as Nails==
Here are those I cannot bring myself to include in the first category. Like I said, you take the last say as to why.

Ellen Ripley - Aliens film series (1979, 1986, 1992)
You cannot deny Sigourney Weaver the right to not be in the Femme Fatale, hence the Tough as Nails category.

Sarah Connor - Terminator 2 (1991)
Linda Hamilton. My bet above all the Sarah Connors.

Leticia “Letty” Ortiz - Fast and the Furious (2001, 2009)
Chris Sanchez - S.W.A.T. (2003)
Rain Ocampo - Resident Evil (2002)
Trudy Chacon - Avatar (2009)
Michelle Rodriguez. I need to include all of those roles, she really embodied each and everyone one of them.

Nikita - Nikita (1990)
Anne Parillaud. Period.

Beatrix Kiddo aka Black Mamba / The Bride - Kill Bill Vol. 1 &2 (2003, 2004)
Uma Thurman. Hanzo sword, Blood, and Gore.  tsk, you just dont mess with her.

Trinity - Matrix film series (1999, 2003)
Carrie-Anne Moss.

Elektra - Elektra (2005)
Jennifer Garner.

==Out of Bubblegum Burst==

Azumi - Azumi film series (2003, 2005)
Jap-Pop princess  Aya Ueto turned sword wielding raised and breathed to be an assasin for

Kozue - Azumi 2: Death or Love (2005)
Gogo Yubari - Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)
Chiaki Kuriyama. Whatever movie she acts in, lol you sure can expect the highschoolish smoldering crazy bitch attitude. Shame tho that both her death sc     enes were lame. But just added more grace to the film.

Hotubari - Shinobi: Heart Under Blade (2005)
Erika Sawajiri.. aww butterflies.

Saya - Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)
Gianna Jun. We all loved her in My Sassy Girl and Windstruck, about some time she seriously kick ass

Eui-jin - Arahan (2004)
Yoon So-Yi. 

Zen - Chocolate (2008)
Yanin Vismistananda. No stunt double for this Thai Girl. Nu-uh. One of my fave action films, and you have to watch as the credits roll -just like with Jackie Chan movies, catch the drift?

Now, If I had forgotten someone, I would greatly appreciate it, and will add ‘em up if I’ve seen the movie and or I like the character. Putting them all together is one damn arduous task!

Next stop, the boys and men who makes my list! Johnny Depp, Jet Li, Tony Leung to name the tops!

:D

Only an Incumbent Senator Could Do

San ka pa? Closing a portion of the busy Shaw Blvd lane for a campaign rally, only a senator could get away with. For a campaign rally?! And we are talking about Shaw Blvd here, a National Road not a small way-ward street. For a Campaign / Grand Fan’s Day?!! Like I said only a senator could get away with.

And this is happening right now, at this very moment. I can hear from our 46th floor Willie’s voice echoing as he goes check check check! 

It’s simply annoying to see that lots of commuters and private vehicle owners being hassled to re-route on Lee St just so Orange can do his gig. Its downright unfair. Yes I am obviously not a Villar supporter (nor of Noynoy’s), and I have no qualms about him doing campaigns and his stuff just as long as he wouldnt trouble a lot more people than those attending now their rally. I am reacting like this cause I will be one of those who will be forced to endure heavy traffic later when I go home. 

Having a house along Shaw, being a senator, or a prominent businessman shouldnt be reasons enough for him to be allowed to do such selfishness. After all isnt he rich enough to Rent a whole stadium and not set up his stage in his parking lot (which previously is a chain of establishments which he kind-of forcefully bought from the owner/s, hence the lot acquisition). Perhaps the title of this blog should be “From Subdivisons to Lots to a portion of Shaw:The Forceful Acquisitions”

But thats going to be damn long. Argh I hate elections and how it rises the phony and hypocrite levels of the corrupt. I hate how they cause traffics! How they make a supposedly democratic right into a mud-slinging lowly carnival event.

Villar oughta give us some change to get a cab. 

*********

As of 7 pm tonight, I am updating this traffic news.

Shaw Blvd is now an official horns blaring Battle-neck area. From the one lane they closed earlier this afternoon, the  two-lane portion of Shaw fronting Villar’s house is now causing a head-aching traffic within the immediate radius near the said area. But then again, since the other side had been counterflowing and blocking those that re-routed from Lee St, the sight from the window from where we are witnessing this spectacle is just maddening.

I am now going to blame this campaign to the current inflamming of my allergies.

New Floors

It’s polished,

Yet I stand at the depths, staring at your neon lights. 

It’s still the girl next door, singin all your love songs.

The Last Airbender: New Trailer!!

This got me on my toes and jumped up and down (well basically only in my mind as I feel its the equivalent of literally bending and wiggling my upper torso cos I am in an indian seat position, smiling like an overly-excited cheshire cat, while bouncing my closed fists like how Diego Mapa does it but in a fast motion, here in my chair, here in the office).

Whew. I like it. At least here we get to see action, get to see water bending, Air bending, and Aang in his flying contraption! My excitement, however, does not diminishes the fact that I do not approve of the casting choices (I still demand an explanation how come eskimo-inspired characters suddenly became white people, and the obviously chinese character to an indian looking Zuko in the movie. Well, there’s nothing we can do about this - movie’s done and the only thing it does to fans right now is it rises up people’s expectation all the more past the boiling level… and the movie better deliver; I dont want another over-rated film that I have been anticipating for months, not to mention Avatar IS a favorite. Shyamalan would only ignite the wrath of Avatar’s fanatics if they would divert from the story.

Now here is the new trailer, saw it in firstshowing.net. I hope you like it!

How Much of the Philippines have You travelled?

I stumbled upon this wonderful site (I’m sorry i forgot from whose blog I first found it) And made my own Grade from Lakbayan… Hmm, I say not bad from someone who has only began to go places and who is always on a budget mode.

So here’s my grade.. Hmmmm and I plan to “study more” and get higher grades! haha!

Get your own Lakbayan Grade!

I wonder Why.

I havent visited my site for quite some time, as you can see from the last entry. But on the 15th of January it seems that I attempted to post a blog didnt finish it, and now I am wondering why I have written this.

TUG of WAR

 

I am in this state. Yet again.

The feel of choosing between left or right.

 

I know that I am an under-achiever, that I havent accomplished much. I think, I’m confident in saying that I could do good design, I could paint pretty well, creative enough to do crafts and stuff. In short God has given me this talent and yet I am not doing anything about it except earn a sufficient living from it

This one is sad.. I guess I wasnt on a good state of mental health that time cos I just celebrated my birthday. Why do birthdays do that? Hmmm, anyway. I feel much better nowadays. Maybe because I am finally celebrating life?

I intend to update my blog site about what I have been doing lately, and decided instead to do a timeline of the activities I did for the past year…

Because today, i just realized that I somewhat celebrated my first year as a climber at Banahao de Lucban (it’s supposedly March 14, but last last weekend was a family weekend for me. I say nothing would be more perfect (well maybe if Banahaw had pushed thru. hehe!) So currently as I write this, I am aching all over from shoulder blades, to arms, and down to the legs. This isnt categorizes to the aching part but just to special mention it, “up to the just-above-the-socks-line small wound caused by a Bulalangwan bite. For those who does not know, it belongs to the leech family. While the common leech is found at ricefields and almost stagnant water, swampy areas, Bulalangwan and limatiks can be found in dense rainforests. I will try discuss this more in another article since I’m realizing I am veering off the initial topic. haha!

So right now, I need to consolidate the pictures first and take notes (actually mostly remember when they happened) to make my timeline.

Good idea.

My Collective Sanity

Coelho:

Veronika Decides to Die

The Alchemist

Eleven Minutes

By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

Allende:

The House of Spirits

The Stories of Eva Luna

Castaneda:

Journey to Ixtlan

Hoff:

Tao of Pooh

Albom:

Five People You Meet in Heaven

Tuesdays with Morrie

de Saint-Exupéry:

The Little Prince

Lee:

To Kill a Mockingbird

Chang:

The Rape of Nanking

Salinger:

The Catcher in the Rye

de Laclos:

Dangerous Liaisons

Gaarder:

Sophie’s World

Tan:

The Joyluck Club

Bach:

Jonathan Livingstone Seagull

Paulus:

Hope for the Flowers

Sitchin:

12th Planet

… and thus collective madness is sanity as mentioned in Veronika. Today i just want to sit and look down and do nothing but stare. Everything seems so futile… as if I am floating. I wonder what will happen if I sleep in that room and wander around outside my physical realm? Would I wake up? 

I just feel so tired.

I think, I shall read The Tree that Survive the Winter next. 

Or find these books mentioned I have once read… maybe I need to read them one more time.

Desert Snow

To realize you are alone because you consequently push people away from you,

that is the snow of the desert, non-existent but real, one cannot see it but it bites… 

You’d be left wandering aimelessly trying to find shelter amidst its endless sand,

but it can be unforgiving,

unless you could  accept that this is the only place

you can leave your debts behind.

One Cell in the Sea

They say, feelings is a decision.. everything that you do is your own will, you feel lonely, sad, angry, happy.. it maybe the factors surrounding you but everything is your decision. But sometimes, it can’t be helped. However you dont want it, it passes you by and you cant do anything but to realize things about yourself and you just feel it.

Like now. I know I am stuck. And I am just one cell in the sea.

Very tired,

Dying, shutdown to a whisper.

In a daydream.

I guess, I’m really like this. I just thought I could escape the reality, that I am never good at keeping people around me. I always make a mess whenever I thought I am outside my circle. Look where they are now.. look where I am now.. inside again, keeping everyone at bay. 

Its a stupid world I have, but I just can’t keep up with everyone. I refuse to admit it but its been that way ever since I could remember. It comes back whenever I forget.

Now I am just drifting… I am sad but I cant feel anything.

MT. PINATUBO CLIMB

I have not written for a long time, and my thoughts are long over-due. But I have to post this first.. 

Or you can contact me as well so i could coordinate with the team..

Sama na! The more the many-er, the Merrier!

Blast from the Past

how do I interpret this? In the language I was surrounded with as I grew up or in the one I best express my thoughts with? Either way, Nothing, no one, had fully comprehended the waves my brain, my thoughts, my feelings, had said.

I feel weird… when I know I shouldnt really be. I am a mess again. Perhaps semi.. all these years that passed by, it hasnt readied me what I would feel to see the person who woke up hope in me. The person who drastically change who I was for the better. After almost three years, I couldnt pretend to say, I wasnt affected with his presence. I became.. afraid.

It became surreal for me.  My problem? Once I get succombed in this psych vortex, i know, there is the strong urge for me that I wouldnt get out… And I am afraid for myself. Am i afraid of a possibility that I could get happy? No.. I just know there is no possibilities with me. I am broken. I became more so when he left me. I am just an expert in hiding myself.

I am… an enigma to myself.

Book of Days

Maybe there just things in this world, you simply just can’t explain.

Devoid of time and space, people feel things out of the ordinary.

Of why we linger in irony and questions that has no reality.

How each chapter of our lives fade to each yesterdays we can no longer go back to.

If one is lost in each continuum, where do we get back to stand on?

Fated to the stars I can only but stare,

As I imagine the dust gathering at my feet

Can this be my forever’s oblivion?

Where do I go from here?

Questions I could only whisper to the wind.

Sunset

Three or Four months ago, I fell in love with these two spectacular places that I could go to without riding the plane. Two beach places, one a cove, one an island, I dreamed of going to one day.. even if alone. I’ve countlessly pursued each and every opportunity that I thought camejust so I could go there. Cos as you see, it would be actually expensive cos of the boat ride. Those places are Anawangin Cove and Potipot Island. I love them so much,that everyday, I looked those places up, imagine myself feeling the sand under my toes, and it makes my day better. After all, from Manila these places are only like 4-6 hours away. Very, very possible.

Three or four months ago, they were my inspiration.. they are always in my words. 

Now, I think of them with sad thoughts.

I dont think I can no longer go there alone.

Once in the middle of those three to four months ago, I gladly hold on, and postponed my dream of going there cos someone said he’d go there with me. And I smiled.

But fairy tales do not end well you see. And now, to go either of which would only make me quiver. Perhaps I would still bring a wine. A Merlot or a Shiraz. Then wait for the sunset. Or perhaps not.

Violin or Cello Strings?

I am soo strung up. Well, I’ve pretty much admitted to that a long time ago.

And I’ve always said to myself I always have this gut feeling about if someone doesnt like me.

But something just occured to me.

Maybe.. this isnt an extra-ordinary superhuman talent of sensing things but simply a case of stupid paranoia brought about by the recesses of my life’s joy and happiness of being the star cast of each alienation gloriously focused on me. 

Someone asked, “why do u shove people away?”

I honestly dont know the precise and exact answer to that. For minutes I stared at the question asked of me. I wanted to say my life story as an excuse to justify that action. I know it wasnt a reason, it wasnt right… but that is the only thing I can do to not prolong agony. Life’s lesson taught me that. I wasnt a confident person. I am not a strong person. They may perceive me to be. That is the reason why these walls are rectified. Shoving people away, is my means to strengthen this wall. 

I want to tell that to my friend, that moving away from those who remind me of my past is my means of coping up. 

And saying those devious words, I know what reaction I might get from that. I need the majority of that group to hate me, to think somewhat ill of me before I go. Perhaps its a stupid thing to do.. but then again, if I only went away without roughing the waters, I’m afraid I might come back. I love mountain climbing, and if I return, I would be sucked in again in that vicious cycle of pitying myself, of feeling I am yet again casted out. Maybe everybody doesnt do that to me… I could only think of two people who unconsciously does that from the group. But its eating me. Those two guys are center of that world. What am I?

Psychologically incapacitated you might say of me. Well, dont say I didnt declare that the nth time. 

Like I said, those are not reasons.. but I need my coping up to live my life as normal as I could. Its very hard to completely forget ghosts that used to haunt me… it was never easy.

Of being ridiculed and bullied, each and everyday of my life in school. Of having no friends to trust cos the one I thought was a friend literally stole from me cos of her envy of my grades soaring past her. Of being bluntly humiliated infront of other colleagues by someone expressingly ignoring my existence on the table and smirking right at it. To mention a few.

People might say forget it and Grow up. I did. And this is how I do it. Shutting them out, instead of letting them hurt me.

Layag

Anu nga ba ang pakiramdam kung sakaling natanto mo na sa isang iglap, hindi mo na kailangang intindihin at isipin ang nagpapabigat sa kalooban mo?

Parang isang layag.

Sa isang iglap, nawala ang batong nagpipigil para makaandar ang bangka mo. Naging malaya ang layag.

Hindi ko sinasabing lubos ang kasiyahan ko sa nangyaring ito. May mga taong nawala, mga bagay na hindi ko na mababalikan na minsa’y naging centro ng buhay ko - ang pagakyat ng bundok. Marahil naging makasaysayan ang petsang iyon, ang pagdating ni Ondoy, at ang akyat na iyon ay naging hudyat para makita ko ang talagang kailangan kong gawin sa buhay ko. Tama nang binigyan kong tuldok ang baga ng aking pamumundok… sa lakas ng hangin at ulan noong gabing iyon, namatay sa Balingkilat ang bagang iyon. Hindi ko maintindihan pero akma na sigurong ang Balingkilat na ang aking tuldok. Napapanahon.

Mahirap.

Masaya.

Nakakabaliw.

Nakakalungkot.

Ika nga ng isang dating kaibigan, makikilala mo nga sa bundok ang mga totoong ugali ng mga tao. Tama sya.. pero sa lupa din lumalabas kung anu nga ba ang ugaling iyon.

Hindi ko makakalimutan ang bawat yugto ng buhay ko sa pagakyat. Ang mga lugar, mga nakilala, mga naging kaibigan.. umukit na sila diwa ko. Pero may mga bagay na hanggang dun nalang ang kanilang pamamalagi. Paminsan minsan, namumulat din ang ating mga mata sa mga bagay-bagay na dapat nang iwanan at talikuran.

Tired. Just tired.

I’ve recently let go of something that became a center of my activities. Seems like for some odd reason, one by one, they all fade away.. people, activities I do, that for some time I mostly indulged in and at certain moments, prioritized over my self being. Is there something wrong with me or the universe is just working its forces, for me to see step by step what I should be doing with my life. That one at a given time, I am being shown the ways and signs for something more grand and better.. the way that I could accept it in a more understanding way because there is nothing else that would hinder me from realizing that future.

First was a person I oddly deeply cared about even if his stay was shortlived in my life. But he fade away and the emotions I spent was more from those who had passed me by. He made waves to my whole being in a such a short span of time. That is why I called it odd. And then now, my climbing activities.. I’ve given it up. I may still find myself carrying that bag of mine to someplace but I know the passion died. I am sad, but still, I see it in a perspective more acceptable. Because i know they all played a role and the reasons why such things happen now. They’re becoming my keys to something more. To something I only could realize after going thru the phases of them fading away from my life.

And right now, I am tired. Physically, I do have fever.. and so it mentally wears me down.. but not as much as the tireness the charade I was recently involved in. Tho no matter, I dont hold it in my hands each person’s capacity to understand my words nor my actions. They may call me names, I dont care anymore. After all, from what I have been thru, this is but a trivial situation compared to the long ago scenarios and past hurt flung to my face. What they did now, is just a pinch compared to the stab wounds scarring my back.

So I could only smile. I have nothing actually. Just myself, friends and family who truly cares. And with each thank you I bestow as goodbye, they are said in utmost honesty, as they to whom I said thank you, all showed me what life is.