Insomnia

I need to get that med Mo is suggesting.

How could I got sleep with ghosts haunting me. How could I when each and every memory is as clear as the waters from Malapascua. I am a wreck.

And I cover it up like a damn wall as I had been for the past years. I have been used to that. And then I met this guy, who could just read me like an open book? 

Cant he see I cant live my days without him? Why? Just when I wanted to feel nothing, he goes back at me, and make me crumble all the more. Do you like it so much to see me like such? To see me broken as I am right now? NO. You cant keep on saying I am strong when I am not! Dont envy me. There is nothing about me to be envious about. I feel such a trash right now. Doing all this this dissing on people I dont know just to feel hate. But I only hate myself. So tell me what is so envious on that? On being such a facade to whom everyone I meet. You always read me like you’ve been there all my life. I hadnt beg before I hadnt, altered my life like this before.

And you turned me upside down. When all I wanted is for you love me.

And you did.

And I ruined it. 

And now you’re gone.

You are, my forever. And all you cant think about is running away. You said I didnt give you a chance. That was my mistake, and now you’re now you’re not giving me any. Dont tell me I dont deserve that. Do you think, your voice deceive me?

All I am asking is that just please love me. From somewhere. From some time.

I really dont care where you are. 

You’d still be my great love. And you cant take that away from me. Because I really dont think I’ll be able to feel this much to anyone after this dance. Even if the music had stopped, I still have my memories. Id be a stone for everyone to see. But realize you’ll still remain to be my love. If you want to run away from it, do so now. Cos even if you come back here and read my sanctuary, you’d find nothing but a stone. 

You do running away from everything as a perfection? Then see me like this like a fucking meteor, a comet, people thinking shining in the sky but is actually made of ice and cold bits of stone.

Yeah, be the bitch. Like I wasnt used to people thinking me of that.

I am nothing Chris. Just nothing before I met you. So thank you. You’ve shown me a great deal how it is to feel alive. Just for a few moments. And it felt eternity. All I’m asking is, be brave enough. If you really do love me, just stand up for it. People make mistakes, me! Especially from someone who is so imperfect. But yeah,you’re now gone right? What would it mean anyway. What would this blog mean anyway.

Like I’m just talking to myself. Well, like I always do. You were the one who never gave me a chance. Live on that. Live on it thinking someone across the planet thinks about you this much. That someone did love you this much. 

Because I would. Have a happy life. I wish, hope and pray, you’d find the perfect person with whom you would love and cherish, and make her feel, the same way you did for me. 

I was fighting, and you never gave me a chance cos u gave up on me. 

In the end, it is still me losing. But thank you, cos u were the most, wonderful I would ever meet. And I am thankful cos in a way my prayers were answered in the most ironic way. You see how could I hate someone to whom God showed me that He listens to people’s wishes? You were that, and you just didnt know how you made my life so worth while.