caught between the sliver of reality and dreams...
But my foot is stuck in the dragon's mouth.
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Who Me?
September 1, 2009This is really kick you know.
I mean I should have met this guy a long time ago, cos just wow, so this is how it feels like to feel nothing. Maybe there’s hate somewhere inside and that I’m suppressing it? But to whom? Me? Him? The world? I just feel so blank.
So long ago, I have so wanted to get this. Or maybe I’m just in an acceptance, denial, blah blah phase, but what the heck. It’s a bliss I could almost cry.
So way different when I got my heart broken from before. Like for instance the first. Yes, so after dumping me for younger (and what?) version, I was on rage. Nope, my solution back then was not to find a another guy, it never was my style. I said to myself I would get over, without having an attention from someone else. And so I did. But I was still in rage. I was soo dammned angry, I always contemplate going to his place just to slap him. But I didnt. It was just a nice imagination. Still, I was in rage. I still feel something, Second well, I dont count it as a second since he was never mine anyway, but however I was hurt, I was able to move on cos someone came. Tho, the months before that, I didnt hate him the same way I hate myself. My hate for him was like a miniscule level compared to the disgust i felt for myself on ever feeling anything for that guy knowing all along it was stupid in the first place. And so the last came, the last one that I could actually feel in reality. Well he wasnt a bad person, just that I needed to be kept a secret for the entire world.. So it was like an affair. Yeah I can call it that way. And yet again, I am angry at myself for ever falling and being very vulnerable.
Maybe gullible is the right word. hehe.
Oh well, so you see, there’s always a feeling involved in the aftermath of each and everything… BUT now??
Surprise… It was a faster than a hurricane swirl ’soap opera’ as he called it.Everything just swirled. And then it got out of hand, maybe pre-meditated as I’ve now realized since friday I was blocked already from his list. It didnt occur to me. Man, when I am so besothed even the skills I learn from watching countless espionage films, it gets past me. So ok going back.. And now, what I am? I am feeling nothing.
I guess just like a stone. Hmm, this is really refreshing. But hey! They all have something in common!
They all dispatched me! Hahaha. Oh sorry, Not with Mr secret, I left the picture why cant he understand its so damn frustrating?
Like I’ve had a normal relationship.
Yeah hear me blog! No one reads this anyway so haha! 
