caught between the sliver of reality and dreams...
But my foot is stuck in the dragon's mouth.
Cos this is my Rant Page and there's nothing you could do about it.
Home » Archives » 02. September 2009
Up or Down
September 2, 2009I am still contemplating whether I will go camping with the gang on top of the mountain or stay at the jump off and just do beach camping…
I have always dreamt of that. At least San Juan wasnt tainted with the thought of camping there with a guy who had ridiculously mislead me. Now I practically lost interest on Anawangin and Potipot - two of my dream camping places!
but nevertheless, I know I would still go there someday, to face the ghost haunt at first and then a second time to be myself and enjoy!
Untitled (July 6, 2005)
One of my favorites.. I realize now how I came up with nice pieces when Im dow, that each line I wrote, is intricately strung in frustrations, depression, and sadness.
But well, this poem, was an outcome a feeling from long ago, coinciding with a painting I was doing back then.. the last one that I did…
no longer a dream of your imagination
i step back, smiles abide
sitting far from your solitude
i do none but stare
so cold those eyes were
as if nothing is left
as if there was no yesterday
as if i was none.
keep playing the reel in my mind
when i use to pass by
eyes straight in my own hopeless chaos
not even minding whose smoke it was.
Because i walk before
without happiness
without longing
without guilt
without remorse.
So time flies,
Leaves fall.
Like spring coming back to the harshness of the winter
Like rays of the sunshine
Turning back to the coldness and black of the night.
reference link to my deviant account.
Sunshine in my Midnight (March 30 2004)
I never thought, writing this five years ago, would exactly be the feeling I have right now.. so perfect for each line, perfect for its title, perfect for the very thoughts and tale my last few weeks have woven into place. It is so scary how five years ago onto that night, remembering as I sit in the darkness, writing in my pages, staring blankly at the sky for reclamation. On that roof, five years ago, that I wrote something for what is today.
You go to the west
I’m only in the east.
Binded by the stars
Fated by the wind.
As the moonlight follow the steps
we dance the realm.
But the hand takes heed,
Reflection vanishes,
You are nothing but an illusion.
Can you be anything but a dream?
Light cascades upwards
Stroking the lashes unabashed
No one in the eyes.
Tainted as dark as the shadow of the moon,
Blindly i seek
what everything would be.
everything i hoped,
everyhting i prayed
Not to go silent into the night.
Too much am i asking?
Candles in the mountain,
Jewels in my sky,
strolling by,
For every night you seek,
answers from the wind.
Night taking its toll
Dreams
Questions
Unfaltered.
reference link to my deviant account.
Untitled 1 (june 30 2004)
See how my life remains the same, I go back to my old poems, and there, my past lives each and every line of my present.
Here it is..
The world falls in an unending oblivion
The stars dawne to their mornings,
finally comes to realize the atrocity in it.
Is it coming to a stop?
Or I’m just losing my sense of reason?
Standing on a fine line
I walk the unknown.
Sun shines above
I cant see anything.
I see their touch but i cant feel anything.
I watch the world from below,
Everything isnt what it is.
Hiding under the cloth of music,
The peace it gives.
I’ve stopped looking
I’m glad.
But still unable to express my thoughts
Does that make me insane?
I guess so
Do i still need the reason
Just to go beyond my boundaries?
Perhaps of death?
But how would the world respond to that?
If i would go out in the open,
Do things i hindered doing
Afraid of criticism and ridicule
Wouldnt it be too much for the rationality of what the society might call normal?
reference link from my deviantart acount. 
What about skype 2
I said I dont want to refer anymore to someone.
He did asked me to grow up, I said, he should do it as well.
He said, doesnt he has the right to read public blogs? Of course he has, but you are now attacking me. I have the right to say what I want here, especially since this is my own blogpage. If you have yours, I dont know! For all I know you’re dissing me right now there. Why? Are you so worried that I’ll say your complete name here? Dont worry, I wont stoop to such cheapness. My mother didnt raise me to be like that. What I say here I just for me to be able to breathe. The words I say here, I cant even say to my friends - I told you they dont read this, nobody almost does!
Please. If you want to read my blog, you’re welcome to.. just leave me alone. If you get affected, by something, be a man enough for once to tell it to me directly.
Dont you think its tiring already. Everything you say, it just makes the hurt more profound. Have you always been like that? pouring salt on wounds just so you could say and reason to yourself you’re this kind of person, so it gives you the right to run away and hurt other people’s feelings. I hope the next time you make someone special again, I hope you dont run and leave her as you did me.
I see that you have unblocked me. Thank you, that’s a start Chris. I could only promise you I wont send you a line anything now at all… you already took much of my dignity for me to just chase a faceless wind.
Whatever I write here, it’s my sanctuary. This is me. And if you can’t handle it, then dont read. If you get affected, go find a punching bag or so. Cos it would have been better if you just didnt say you love me.
But this is life, this is my life. What we had wasnt the one that was crazy actually.. I realized now what is crazy… it’s that I actually believed someone would loved me.
At long last!
I’m still contemplating whether to go with the gang or leave by the sea side, even if alone, at least that’s the beach! I’d go beach camping even if alone!
Sorry, my regret I wasnt able to join this weekend. I had a mental psychological breakdown that it just became inevitable for me to go!! I dont want to become a liability again, Oh no not like what happened in Mt Batulao.. oh boy lacking oxygen and dehydration.. !! I didnt want it so I cancelled. My regret now specially after seeing the pics.. Hmm! I miss Reds and Crich… The Red team! Perhaps it was ok.. I didnt get to see how cheesy they were! hehehe
But yeah This coming weekend Im still undecided..
Aha but Balingkilat is on the list!! hooooo!! That is a pretty tough cookie! Need to stop Yosi, I would need the lung power!!
And learn how to pack light. Tsk! Mt Balingkilat, the ominous one beside Cinco Picos, the one which looks like a foresaken mountain from middle earth!
Oh but they say the camping grounds there are nice! full view of the Cinco Picos and everything… let’s go trav to Talisayin!! Beach!!!