caught between the sliver of reality and dreams...
But my foot is stuck in the dragon's mouth.
Cos this is my Rant Page and there's nothing you could do about it.
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Rush
October 7, 2009I am doing something at last. Something I call a tangible area of my “expertise.”
So I was my usual self when Im doing such tasks… too involved and my nose perked up near my 22″ monitor - yes I know it would make my eyes very very unhappy - when suddenly there it was.
I felt this rush.
This feeling of unrelenting bliss.
Of being able to smile without so much palor to it.
I am not sure what triggered it, as I am too focused on this images to be edited.. but there they were, the past came rushing back to me and I suddenly felt happy cos it happened to me and even if I was so damned angry when I was experiencing them before, a sudden comfort came over me. Like it was saying, “yes they happened to you. They mocked, laughed, talked behind your back, they left you, they trampled on you.. they were painful.”
The Span of my lifetime’s pain from those childhood hurt to what people around me now does.. they are now nothing. I am like the wisps of fog drifting in and out of reality. And I feel elated. I no longer care. From the office, to the mountains, I realized, they will always be the same and I dont care anymore. I am this. I want to cry right now of mixed emotions… of remembering each and every stab of pain inflicted on me but at the same time cry from this abyss of bliss brought by my ephipany.
I am joyous, I am hurt. I am human, yet I look at them with glassy stares. They no longer exist in my realm.
