caught between the sliver of reality and dreams...
But my foot is stuck in the dragon's mouth.
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Home » Archives » 12. October 2009
Tired. Just tired.
October 12, 2009I’ve recently let go of something that became a center of my activities. Seems like for some odd reason, one by one, they all fade away.. people, activities I do, that for some time I mostly indulged in and at certain moments, prioritized over my self being. Is there something wrong with me or the universe is just working its forces, for me to see step by step what I should be doing with my life. That one at a given time, I am being shown the ways and signs for something more grand and better.. the way that I could accept it in a more understanding way because there is nothing else that would hinder me from realizing that future.
First was a person I oddly deeply cared about even if his stay was shortlived in my life. But he fade away and the emotions I spent was more from those who had passed me by. He made waves to my whole being in a such a short span of time. That is why I called it odd. And then now, my climbing activities.. I’ve given it up. I may still find myself carrying that bag of mine to someplace but I know the passion died. I am sad, but still, I see it in a perspective more acceptable. Because i know they all played a role and the reasons why such things happen now. They’re becoming my keys to something more. To something I only could realize after going thru the phases of them fading away from my life.
And right now, I am tired. Physically, I do have fever.. and so it mentally wears me down.. but not as much as the tireness the charade I was recently involved in. Tho no matter, I dont hold it in my hands each person’s capacity to understand my words nor my actions. They may call me names, I dont care anymore. After all, from what I have been thru, this is but a trivial situation compared to the long ago scenarios and past hurt flung to my face. What they did now, is just a pinch compared to the stab wounds scarring my back.
So I could only smile. I have nothing actually. Just myself, friends and family who truly cares. And with each thank you I bestow as goodbye, they are said in utmost honesty, as they to whom I said thank you, all showed me what life is.
