I wonder Why.

I havent visited my site for quite some time, as you can see from the last entry. But on the 15th of January it seems that I attempted to post a blog didnt finish it, and now I am wondering why I have written this.

TUG of WAR

 

I am in this state. Yet again.

The feel of choosing between left or right.

 

I know that I am an under-achiever, that I havent accomplished much. I think, I’m confident in saying that I could do good design, I could paint pretty well, creative enough to do crafts and stuff. In short God has given me this talent and yet I am not doing anything about it except earn a sufficient living from it

This one is sad.. I guess I wasnt on a good state of mental health that time cos I just celebrated my birthday. Why do birthdays do that? Hmmm, anyway. I feel much better nowadays. Maybe because I am finally celebrating life?

I intend to update my blog site about what I have been doing lately, and decided instead to do a timeline of the activities I did for the past year…

Because today, i just realized that I somewhat celebrated my first year as a climber at Banahao de Lucban (it’s supposedly March 14, but last last weekend was a family weekend for me. I say nothing would be more perfect (well maybe if Banahaw had pushed thru. hehe!) So currently as I write this, I am aching all over from shoulder blades, to arms, and down to the legs. This isnt categorizes to the aching part but just to special mention it, “up to the just-above-the-socks-line small wound caused by a Bulalangwan bite. For those who does not know, it belongs to the leech family. While the common leech is found at ricefields and almost stagnant water, swampy areas, Bulalangwan and limatiks can be found in dense rainforests. I will try discuss this more in another article since I’m realizing I am veering off the initial topic. haha!

So right now, I need to consolidate the pictures first and take notes (actually mostly remember when they happened) to make my timeline.

Good idea.

My Collective Sanity

Coelho:

Veronika Decides to Die

The Alchemist

Eleven Minutes

By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

Allende:

The House of Spirits

The Stories of Eva Luna

Castaneda:

Journey to Ixtlan

Hoff:

Tao of Pooh

Albom:

Five People You Meet in Heaven

Tuesdays with Morrie

de Saint-Exupéry:

The Little Prince

Lee:

To Kill a Mockingbird

Chang:

The Rape of Nanking

Salinger:

The Catcher in the Rye

de Laclos:

Dangerous Liaisons

Gaarder:

Sophie’s World

Tan:

The Joyluck Club

Bach:

Jonathan Livingstone Seagull

Paulus:

Hope for the Flowers

Sitchin:

12th Planet

… and thus collective madness is sanity as mentioned in Veronika. Today i just want to sit and look down and do nothing but stare. Everything seems so futile… as if I am floating. I wonder what will happen if I sleep in that room and wander around outside my physical realm? Would I wake up? 

I just feel so tired.

I think, I shall read The Tree that Survive the Winter next. 

Or find these books mentioned I have once read… maybe I need to read them one more time.

Desert Snow

To realize you are alone because you consequently push people away from you,

that is the snow of the desert, non-existent but real, one cannot see it but it bites… 

You’d be left wandering aimelessly trying to find shelter amidst its endless sand,

but it can be unforgiving,

unless you could  accept that this is the only place

you can leave your debts behind.