caught between the sliver of reality and dreams...
But my foot is stuck in the dragon's mouth.
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Since that Last Post
December 9, 2011Imagine that.. how time flew.
Would I had thought that from whence that last post, I would have experienced that imagination? To kiss those lips? Heaven, I’d say. Only because I can say that knowing no one, knowing he wont be reading this. It was heaven to be under his warm touch, the feel of his fingers tangled against mine, to feel the subtle kiss on my head as if assuring everything is fine… and it was. That moment, if I can have something immortalized, it would be that moment.
I realized it was only he from whom I can easily accept it from, no questions ask.
I am aching, been longing to have that for a very long time. I had forgotten how it was to feel such calm. And to get it from Erik… I could have died happy that day. Erik is Erik… no matter what pain and ordeal he had caused me to endure, I endured it. Still did after everything. But what happened was something I was not expecting.
I dont think he would ever realize how much emotion i kept in check, what emotion i had to let go just to believe that I can defy the norm.
Well fuck the norm, I did let go. If I hadnt, I wouldnt have been friends with him.
I love him as how I did before, I even surprise myself. I cannot deny that.
But I guess I am different person now. As he is a different person.
But what the fuck I am crying about right now? Will I feel sad that its was a short lived momet? Do I think I should have done something I shouldnt have done? All of the above, dont think for a moment tht I have not longed for all the moments I have been given, that I wont give up everything just to feel the exact same feeling I had a few days ago…For just to feel that everything is alright, his hand, his kiss…
And what the fuck I am crying right now? That I think I made the mistake? Maybe I did…Only for the mistake of telling him that we should deserve someone, and be with someone who would really make us happy, be with some one whome we like and love… That even to the last, I am thinking about him and his future happiness, knowing I am not it.
It hurts to feel it all over again… but thats the dilemna about being friends with ur ex, you harbour emotions you shouldnt.
